How Not to Run a Sober Living House

Well they say everything must come to an end, but this one really hurts and I take it very personally. Anytime someones recovery is threatened, I take it personally.

For the last 14 months I have managed a sober living home in downtown Riverside, CA. When I took over the house it was ready to close. I was determined not to let that happen. I was successful, but now the house will be closing down due to the lack of integrity of two self-proclaimed Godly men of integrity.

What happened? The trust, respect and sense of a true family of recovery was destroyed in a very short time by one individual. The sad thing is, is that this man is a pastor.

A few months ago the owner asked his pastor to step in as a spiritual adviser. He soon made it clear that he wished to take control and we butted heads constantly. I believe that encouragement is one of the most powerful tools in helping people. He believed that letting the men know anytime they broke the slightest rule that their were not working on their recovery.

I believe that you cannot force someone into recovery or church, but through encouragement and support from the other residents in the house, they will want to find it on their own. This had been working for most of the men who came into out sober living house. He believed that you could force church and recovery down people's throats.

He broke the respect, trust and community of the house. He did this by lying and breaking promises and confidentiality. I could not believe that a pastor would choose to share with others openly what one the men had shared.

He played favorites with the residents. On a couple of occasions he allowed someone to stay in the house despite the fact their were using. We had a zero tolerance policity and the men in the house took this seriously. Before this they would come to me in private and let me know of their concerns. Now they were angry that we kept these men in the house and would no longer protect the sobriety of the house.

Several weeks ago I finally stepped down as General Manager and became a resident again. And in these few short weeks, the house went through a major meltdown. Several men moved out. Unfortunately most were the men who had been the most faithful in paying their contributions to the running of the house. Due to this they very quickly could not pay the bills.

The owner went on a tirade at our weekly house meeting and several more moved out. The house went from having 17 out of 18 beds full. While not everyone was caught up financially, we were bringing in more than enough to cover the costs of running the house. As a result only three men paid their contributions.

Now the house has three residents and the house cannot pay this months bills, much lest next months. So the owner has decided to shut down at the end of the month. Now Riverside has lost 18 beds for men to work on their recovery. That is the biggest tragedy.

Over the last 14 months I have learned a lot. A truly successful sober living house is one in which the residents, trust, respect, support and when needed hold each other accountable. That took a lot of work to create, but in the long run it was more than worth it. I got the witness many men turn their lives around and become reunited with families that had given up on them. This is the true defination of a miracle.

And while it is sad and personally devastating to me, I have to trust God that I will still be used to help those in recovery. I am about a third of the way towards completing my training to become an Alcohol and Drug Counselor. Much of what I learned running a sober living house we go with me as I begin to assist men and women. The environment may be different, but my love and passion for helping others we remain the same. I now have a better understanding of what addicts are going through and much more wisdom on how to help.

God Bless

James McPherson
Riverside-Recovery-Resources.org