The Face of The Monster

Haven't been able to post for awhile, but now I am back. I was recently diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and ended up in the hospital when the physical symptoms of my stress got the best of me.

In short I had been hit with the perfect storm of PTSD. Over the last year I have been running a sober living house in downtown Riverside. It was a very hostile, toxic work environment due to the owner's own issues. I held on as long as I could as I felt I was helping men whose lives had been taken over by drug and/or alcohol dependence. And I was making a difference. There was much recovery going on.

However once I was away from that situation, old memories of my childhood began to come back to haunt me. And then there was the class I was taking for my Alcohol & Drug Counseling. We were taking a close look at our life, where it had been and where it could go. I became totally non-functional.

All my life I have suffered from deep depression. After a six month long manic stage in 2007 I was diagnosed as having a Bipolar disorder. I was told that this was due to a chemical imbalance in my brain and that medication was the answer. While the medications helped somewhat, the pain, the depression and the inability to live a normal, happy life never came about.

Sometime ago I had been told that I may be suffering from PTSD. At the time, I could not or would not listen.
After getting out of the hospital, I Googled a PTSD Assessment and after taking it score a 71 our of 85 possible points. After taking this to a psychiatrist and being assessed further, it was determined that I indeed from suffering from PTSD. One would think that being diagnoses with PTSD would be a horrible thing. And it can be. Yet I found it strangely comforting.

You see, I now had a face on the monster that had made my life so miserable. I realized that there was an answer. Not an easy answer, but an answer. It would take a lot of work. At times it would be very painful. Yet through counseling, support groups and doing various written exercises I could finally process the horrible memories and learn to live a normal life. I might for the first time even have a social life.

This is going to be a tough journey I will be taking, yet if I do not go on this journey I will never be able to live the life that I deserve. I will never be an effective counselor to those addicts and alcoholics that I want so passionately to help.

So stay tuned as I share my journey. My hope & prayer is that someone will gain the knowledge and courage to deal with their own personal monster.

There is hope. There is an answer. Stay tuned and follow along as I discover and share those answers.

God Bless

James McPherson

Riverside-Recovery-Resources.org

And to those of you that may be suffering from PTSD, I urge you to get assessed by a doctor who specializes in PTSD.

Small Change To The Website

Just made a small chance to the Riverside-Recovery-Resources.org website. Took of the Google Web Search box and replaced it with one from freefind. This tool will allow you to search for content on the site.

As always, any tips on resources and other feedback is very welcome.

Been in the hospital for a few days so I will have lots to share in the next few days.

God Bless

James McPherson

Riverside-Recovery-Resources.org

Got To Do Some Laundry!

Yes, I know that this should be a simple thing and not something to get excited about, but when you lose the ability to do the simple things in life, it is exciting when you get a chance.

Anyway, on the 1st and 3rd Saturday of every month two young men go the the Launderland on University Ave armed with quarters, soap and dryer sheets. Every homeless person that shows up at 7AM gets a chance to done a load of laundry.

So to these two young men and to Lauderland, I say thanks. It is the real life angels such as these two who make this world a much better place and let those who are down and out gain a little hope and respect back.

God Bless,

James McPherson

Riverside-Recovery-Resources.org

Who Are The Homeless?

Have not posted for a few days. Living on the streets and going to school is difficult and has takes a lot of emotional, spiritual and physical energy.

Yet I am not alone. Many of the residents in the Path of Life shelter are either going to school or working. The high cost of housing and utilities along with other issues such as coming up with the deposit or having bad credit make it almost impossible for them to find housing.

Quite a few are what I call the "middle class homeless" Until recently they were living the American dream. They had good jobs, nice cars and the other rewards that come with working hard. Now they are living the American nightmare.

This economic meltdown is not one of just statistics. The media and much of society are concerned with the number of foreclosures and the jobless rate. This is also a meltdown of people's lives. Many have lost everything. Families have been lost and marriages broken up due to financial difficulties. Some are forced to live with relatives. Others are living in their cars or staying at the local homeless shelter. Seldom do we hear stories of these struggles or the courage people have shown. And yes, there are stories are recovery and hope.

I urge you to think of this next time you see a homeless person on the streets. That person could have been your neighbor, co-worker or someone you went to church with.

It is time that we as a society quit pushing this issue under the rug. It is time that as a compassionate society we really up to the plate and help people put their lives together. And it is time for the churches of this great country to start doing the job and the mission they were given by God.

God Bless

James McPherson

Riverside-Resources.org

A Great Resource For Injured Marines

A few months ago, one of my residents was a Marine who had been injured in Iraq. While he had been rated at 80% disable, due to a paperwork nightmare he was not able to collect his benefits. As a result he was not able to pay his contributions to the running of the house. Unless something changed quickly he was in danger of becoming yet another homeless veteran. Then he was told about a great resource for veteran Marines who had been injured. The Injured Marine Semper Fi Fund not only paid the two months he was behind, but pay the next  two months rent. So if you are an injured Marine or know an injured Marine check out this website. I would like to thank all of our service men and women who have sacrificed so that we can have freedom.

God Bless

James McPherson

Riverside-Recovery-Resources.org

This Makes It All Worth It!

While I was on the bus today I ran into Mike who was in my sober living house a few months ago. I know he struggled at first when he left, but now has a job, apartment, girlfriend and most important of all: sobriety. In other words he is on the path to true recovery. It's not about just becoming sober, but rebuilding your entire life.

I have been through hell and back over the last year trying to help others despite being in a toxic working environment. Seeing someone like Mike succeed makes me know that on some level it was worth it.

God Bless

James McPherson

Riverside-Recovery-Resources.org

Never Give Up On Someone

One of the most difficult duties of running a sober living home is dismissing someone for using. After doing so, many times I would here reports of these men passed out drunk in an alley or other signs of their continued drug addiction. Sometimes I would see them myself. Either way my heart would be broken.

I have learned a valueable lesson this week. Since becoming homeless I have run across five of these men. Even though I had felt I had failed and feared that they had given up on themselves, the seed had been planted.

Four of these men have not given up on themselves. All had relapsed and were drinking or using for a few weeks or months. Not four of them are sober again. Four of them are working their program and attending 12 step meetings.

All four thanked me and attributed there "getting it" to their stay at the sober living house. Even though they had relapsed and been dismissed from the house, they kept the positive memories of their stay there. Using these memories are finally belong to a family, being sober and starting on the journey of creating a new life for themselves, they choose to once again become sober.

This is a message for all of those alcohol and drug counselors, social workers, families and many other people who work with the chemically dependent. Don't give up! Even if it appears that they did not "get it", by your planting the proper seeds, you have influenced them in ways you may never know. In the long run, these alcoholics and addicts may finally "get it" due to your hard work. All of that time, energy and emotion you have spent on that individual was not in vain.

God Bless,

James McPherson

Riverside-Recovery-Resources.org

Will Work For Laundry!!!

I go back to my Alcohol & Drug Counseling studies next Tuesday and while I am looking forward to school again, I find myself facing two seemingly simple barriers. At least they should be simple. It is amazing how much we miss those little thing in life we enjoy when they disappear.

The first thing I miss is doing laundry. Yes, clean clothes. Having absolutely no money I cannot even afford to go to the laundromat. I cannot, no make that will not go to school in filthy, smelly clothes. Accuse me of being vain if you will.

The second "little" thing is my daily shower. Unfortunately I will be in class during the only times the showers are open at the shelter. So from Monday-Thursday I will not be able to shower. Call me vain again, but I call it social responsibility. After all, would you want to sit next to someone who is filthy and smelly?

One of the most common complaints against the homeless is their smell. While many may have lost their passion for personal hygiene, most just don't have the means to get clean. There are not enough beds in our shelters to house everyone, so for those who sleep outside, there is no access to a hot shower. Also, as most of the homeless have no money they cannot go to the laundromat to was the few clothes they may have. And therefore, we as a society have to deal with filthy, smelly people. Yes, believe it or not the homeless are people. I think we as a society sometimes forget this and look upon the homeless as a statistic.

Some larger cities have daytime drop in centers for the homeless. This is usually a place where they can shower and wash their clothing. A place where they can find assistance for job searches and accessing community resources. A place to find safety. A place for a nutritious meal. A place to find refuge from the weather.

I challenge the people, and especially the churches of Riverside, CA to open such a center. If even a few of are churches got together, they would be able to find the resources to open such a center. And if they do, I will be the first in line to volunteer.

You can do this part by forwarding this message to everyone you know. All it takes is for a few of the right people to make this dream come true.

God Bless

James McPherson

Riverside-Recovery-Resources.org

Homeless & Blind in Riverside

Was waiting in line yesterday afternoon to get into the Path of Life’s 30 day program when the Riverside Homeless Outreach Street Program brought in a man that was newly homeless. And blind.


I have met this gentleman before in some AA meetings and he is the nicest guy you would ever know. Even has a sense of humor about his blindness.
It seems that the board and care that he was living in suddenly closed with no warning and he found himself tossed out on the street. While he has SSDI and should find new housing fairly quickly in got me thinking.
There is an old adage about when you think you have it bad, someone comes along who has it worse. I could not image how scary it would be to be homeless and disabled. The streets are dangerous enough. How do you protect yourself when you are blind, deaf or suffer from any number of disabilities?

How difficult it would be to not be able to speak the language. No matter what side of the illegal immigrant issue you are on, you would have to admit that this would be a nightmare.
Anyhow, just a few thoughts for the day.

God Bless,

James McPherson

Riverside-Recovery-Resources.org

Being Positive When You Are Down & Out

Since 1982 I have done hundreds of hours of volunteer work with the homeless. I never in my wildest imagination thought I myself would end up joining them. And yet here I am. Due to the meltdown of the sober living house where I was, I am now homeless.

As I write this, I am at the Path of Life homeless shelter in Riverside, CA.

At first I was devastated and scared to death at the prospect of becoming homeless. Question ran through mind mind. How would I be able to attend school for alcohol and drug counseling. Would I ever be able to get off the streets. Were my dreams, hopes and passion about to be gone. How was I going to survive?

I am not going to lie and say that all of these have been answer and I can put a rosy picture on the situation. I do know though that if I can trust God and trust the people who care about me, I can through this. I do know that I will come out of this a stronger person with more compassion and wisdom of what those who are done and out are dealing with this.

So for those of you who believe in the power of prayer, I ask for and appreciate your prayers.

God Bless

James McPherson

Riverside-Recovery-Resources.org

How Not to Run a Sober Living House

Well they say everything must come to an end, but this one really hurts and I take it very personally. Anytime someones recovery is threatened, I take it personally.

For the last 14 months I have managed a sober living home in downtown Riverside, CA. When I took over the house it was ready to close. I was determined not to let that happen. I was successful, but now the house will be closing down due to the lack of integrity of two self-proclaimed Godly men of integrity.

What happened? The trust, respect and sense of a true family of recovery was destroyed in a very short time by one individual. The sad thing is, is that this man is a pastor.

A few months ago the owner asked his pastor to step in as a spiritual adviser. He soon made it clear that he wished to take control and we butted heads constantly. I believe that encouragement is one of the most powerful tools in helping people. He believed that letting the men know anytime they broke the slightest rule that their were not working on their recovery.

I believe that you cannot force someone into recovery or church, but through encouragement and support from the other residents in the house, they will want to find it on their own. This had been working for most of the men who came into out sober living house. He believed that you could force church and recovery down people's throats.

He broke the respect, trust and community of the house. He did this by lying and breaking promises and confidentiality. I could not believe that a pastor would choose to share with others openly what one the men had shared.

He played favorites with the residents. On a couple of occasions he allowed someone to stay in the house despite the fact their were using. We had a zero tolerance policity and the men in the house took this seriously. Before this they would come to me in private and let me know of their concerns. Now they were angry that we kept these men in the house and would no longer protect the sobriety of the house.

Several weeks ago I finally stepped down as General Manager and became a resident again. And in these few short weeks, the house went through a major meltdown. Several men moved out. Unfortunately most were the men who had been the most faithful in paying their contributions to the running of the house. Due to this they very quickly could not pay the bills.

The owner went on a tirade at our weekly house meeting and several more moved out. The house went from having 17 out of 18 beds full. While not everyone was caught up financially, we were bringing in more than enough to cover the costs of running the house. As a result only three men paid their contributions.

Now the house has three residents and the house cannot pay this months bills, much lest next months. So the owner has decided to shut down at the end of the month. Now Riverside has lost 18 beds for men to work on their recovery. That is the biggest tragedy.

Over the last 14 months I have learned a lot. A truly successful sober living house is one in which the residents, trust, respect, support and when needed hold each other accountable. That took a lot of work to create, but in the long run it was more than worth it. I got the witness many men turn their lives around and become reunited with families that had given up on them. This is the true defination of a miracle.

And while it is sad and personally devastating to me, I have to trust God that I will still be used to help those in recovery. I am about a third of the way towards completing my training to become an Alcohol and Drug Counselor. Much of what I learned running a sober living house we go with me as I begin to assist men and women. The environment may be different, but my love and passion for helping others we remain the same. I now have a better understanding of what addicts are going through and much more wisdom on how to help.

God Bless

James McPherson
Riverside-Recovery-Resources.org

Is Anyone Really Listening?

How often do we really listen to someone else’s feelings? And for that matter do we ever really listen to our own. Have you ever had anyone REALLY listen to your feelings? I don’t mean hear them, but listen to them to such an extent that they really get YOU as a person. And have you ever REALLY listened to someone else’s feelings. Have you ever listened to their feelings to such a depth that you understood them as you have never done before?

We did a little experiment in class tonight, where we partnered up with a fellow student. We then took turns talking about our feelings for fifteen minutes. During that time, the other person was to listen only. Just listen, no comments, feedback, advice or any of the other verbal vomit that we normally give back.

First of all, I had a hard time talking at first without expecting a response. My partner experienced the same thing. We were so used to being interrupted by advice or comments that it felt unnatural. But once we got over that we actually learned something about each other.

Here I am, a 55 year old, fairly conservative man, talking to a young lady who has just been released from prison, who I had just meet and who is gay. She told me afterward that she felt that since she only started class two days ago, she didn’t think she would be able to share or find anything in common with me, but was surprised to find differently. I was just as surprised.

Without any of the back and forth of “normal” conversation we were able to open up, learn about each and learn how each other actually “felt” about things.
Listening, really listening to each other is probably the most powerful gifts we can give each other.

Try it sometime!!!

God Bless

James McPherson

Riverside-Recovery-Resources.org

Well, I'm glad that's over!!!

Been a bit too busy lately to do much of anything but go to school and deal with Mulberry House. Most of the guys here at Mulberry work their tails off for their recovery, but every once in a while we get one of two who are a handful. And we have had a few lately.

Not matter what you do, you can only offer a fellow addict the direction and support so they can work on their own recovery. And it's heartbreaking when you see someone who you think is going to make it, give up on themselves and go back to the mud pit. Others for whatever reason don't really want recovery, but will pretend to in order to get shelter, food or whatever else need they want filled taken care of. Even those latter though, I hope and pray may have learned something in the short time they have been around.

As far as school goes, I am attending night classes to become an Alcohol & Drug Counselor. Classes are very fast paced, but I'm learning a lot. The knowledge I am gaining can be used now at Mulberry House and in the future no matter what direction I take my career. It just blows my mind at how prevalent alcohol and chemical dependency is in the United States. And even more mind blowing, is how little our government and society seem to care. Instead of assisting men and women who so desperately need help, it seems we would rather spend the money, lock them up in prison and let everyone suffer in the process.

Anyhow, that's my two cents for what it's worth.

God Bless

James McPherson

Riverside-Recovery-Resources.org

How much is a good resource worth?

If it is to be valued by the changes that it can make in people's lives, then the Homelessness Prevention and Rapid Re-Housing that Riverside, CA has in conjuntion with HUD is priceless.

I have had the opportunity to refer several men & women to this program. One woman, who was caught up in a seemingly hopeless living situation that would eventually lead to relapse, now has hope. Better yet, very soon, she will have an apartment of her own. She will be able to continue her schooling and she will be able to continue working on and maintain her sobriety of five years.

God Bless

James McPherson

Riverside-Recovery-Resources.org

Here we go, off to the races! Or why I started this website!

Resources, resources, resources! In real estate they call it location, location, location. Either way, they are the secret of success in their respective fields.

If you are in a helping profession, trying to help family or friends or need the help yourself, having the right resources to go to is the difference between total frustration and being able to make a difference in your life or someone else’s.

This is a lesson I have learned over the years of working with the homeless, the addicted and those who just are in need. And I have been frustrated in trying to find resources. Or worse, one I find a good resource, I lost that flyer, that piece of paper I wrote that down on.

This is why I have decided to start Riverside-Recovery-Resources.org. I currently run a very successful sober living home in Riverside, CA  (http://www.got-recovery.org/) and one of the reasons it is so is that we are able to help our guys in finding the resources they need.

I am also studying to become an alcohol and drug counselor. So the motive for this project is first of all a very selfish one. But I would also like to see this become a collaborative effort of everyone in the recovery community.

So if you a professional, a church worker or just someone who needs help, this site is for you. If you know of any resource that should be here email me at jrmcphersonjr@ymail.com. Working together, I hope we can make this a truly valuable resource for the Riverside, CA recovery community.

God Bless,
James McPherson
Riverside-Recovery-Resources.org